One Year

In many ways it seems like yesterday and in other ways it's been an eternity.

Gretta and the kids are doing well. As you can imagine, the last year has been a tough journey. Besides the emotional toll, there was pregnancy, birth, and returning to work for Gretta to manage.

One of the most difficult tasks was removing Conan's clothes from their house. We cried and laughed. (The shoe count was HIGH!) The hardest job for Gretta was ordering the gravestone. It will be installed in the spring,

Gretta is busy. (that is an understatement!) Between an infant who is crawling (and putting EVERYTHING in her mouth) and a 5 yr. old who is inquisitive and active, she also has a demanding job. She juggles it all pretty well!

Emily Grace Dalton

Emily was born at 6:40 pm on Saturday, January 24, via C-section. She weighed 6 lbs. 1.2 oz. and was 17.5 inches long.

Here she is with Henry when she is a couple days old.

This was taken with Gretta as we got ready to leave the hospital.

and Ellie (one of her cousins) took this picture today.

Benefit Was a Success: Happy Birthday Conan.

The Kicks for Conan Benefit raised over $17,000. This that amount was presented to Gretta to pay for Conan's medical bills. The plans are to continue the benefit but to use the funds for other local families struggling with cancer.

Also, yesterday was a milestone of sorts as we celebrated Conan's birthday without him. This photo appeared all over facebook after ESPN anchor Stuart Scott died on Sunday morning. The quote was taken from his speech accepting the Perseverance Award during the ESPY's.

It felt very appropriate to include it when speaking of Conan and remembering him on his birthday.

Tonight's Basketball Game

Gray Out

Thanks Dan.

Just a quick update too -

Gretta's checkup for baby Emily went well this week. The doctor will be happy to get another week in, that would be 32, but more would be better.

Saying Goodbye

I don't have an official count, but I know there were a lot of people that came to pay their respects last night; the family appreciates all the kind words and the hugs that came with them.

We listed three groups on the memoral suggestions, but if you have another charity or group you would like to give to in Conan's name, please do so.

The University of Iowa Palliative Care Team worked hard to get the nausea under control, but they also spent a lot of time talking about what Conan wanted out of life - however long or short that might be. The Care Team also spoke to Gretta about Henry, and what he did and didn't understand, and how to help him. I remember from one discussion we were to encourage him to ask questions and talk about Conan. He had a lot of questions this week, but he seemed to understand more than we expected.

The Clarissa C. Cook House and the staff do extraordinary work. While they were focused on Conan's medical needs, they were very concerned about the emotional needs of the family. They also gave suggestions and information for helping Henry. I don't know what Gretta would have done without them.

The Conan Dalton Memorial fund will be used for the children's future educational needs. One of the first things Conan said to me after they found out Emily was coming, was about a second college fund. As I have 2 children who have finished college, I chuckled and said no matter what you save it won't be enough. But I should have told him the encouragement you give them to work hard in school and appreciate the chance to do so will be more valuable than the money. And in many ways that's what this account does - it says education is important.

And finally Kicks for Conan. This event will be held on December 27 & 28. The funds raised will be used for medical expenses. The event organizers are also planning to make this an annual event to honor Conan and the contribution he has made to the soccer communty. In the future, the plan is for funds to go to brain cancer research and other areas of relevant need.

Yesterday I had Henry in the car with me for the ride from day care to the funeral home. He talked about who was going to be there, and then he said there will be a lot of red eyes. I wondered what he was talking about, and then he said because people will be crying. I said yes, people will be sad, but they are happy too because daddy is in heaven. Henry told me not yet, not until tomorrow. So I'm not sure where Conan is right now, but Henry thinks today is the big day for him. 

So like so many have said, rest in peace.

Today's Newspapers

Today in the Argus: Dalton remembered for putting others first 
(correction: Baby Emily is due in February)

And in the QC Times: Dalton Passed on His Passion for Soccer

The obituary should run tomorrow.

Gretta is coping. She is not sleeping as well as she would like, but we are keeping her fed. Lots of people have brought food (and offered food) or offered assistance with jobs and we are taking advantage.

Last night I tried to summarize and post some of the many comments, stories, and pictures that are coming in. It is astounding. And overwhelming, in a good way. The best gift you can give is to help just one person the way he helped you.

And, to end on a laugh, let's remember he was only human -- I hated it when he said "if you're not early you're late." (and now I'm late for bed!)

Tonight's News Coverage

Some of the local news stations had stories about Conan:

KWQC We watched it on the news tonight, so maybe the video version will appear soon.

WQAD

Thank you for Your E-mails, Comments and Facebook Posts

Some are long, some are short -- they are all heart felt and appreciated.

They bring comfort and they will for months and years to come.

It is a wonderful gift that we can so easily share stories of how Conan touched our lives.

Here are a few excerpts from some of the facebook posts:

To deal with something no one could imagine but still manage to bring joy and inspiration to those around him. I don't get attach to a lot of people but I can truly say he is someone who helped me in a great way. He had faith in me the minute I stepped on the field.

My heart is heavy today for anyone who knew Conan Dalton , but especially for his baby girl due in February who will never get to meet her daddy. I will forever be confused about why things like this happen to such great people... praying his wife and family can find strength knowing the suffering is over and Conan is finally at peace.

RIP Conan. In all the years I have know you I have never known you to be nothing but a great friend. I, among others, will miss your smile. Love you man!

You always said, "To be on time is late and to be early is on time". We all are saying it was too early but I'm sure you knew it was right on time. You were such a wonderful person. Words cannot describe how hard this is. You were one of the best coaches I have ever had. You showed me the strength within me and also showed all of us the strength you had within yourself. I can't count how many times you pushed me and helped me become a better person and athlete. The lessons you taught all of us weren't just for soccer they were also for life. I am so thankful to have been able to call you a coach and a friend. I am so blessed to have the memories. I will never forget you and all you've taught me Conan Dalton.  

Heading to bed with a heavy heart and hopes that in heaven's soccer matches everyone uses their left foot- or they're going to hear about it from coach Conan Dalton. You'll be greatly missed.

I'm so thankful that I was able to know such a wonderful person. Someone who genuinely cared about everyone else before himself, even when he was going through such a rough time.

I have a very heavy heart tonight as I think about how this world has lost a great guy. He wasn't just a classmate but a friend from my first day of school to the last soccer game we coach against each other. Praying for his family as they have some hard days ahead of them. RIP Conan Dalton. I will miss ya on the sideline.

Services Scheduled

The visitation will be held Friday from 3:00 pm to 7:00 pm at Wheelan-Pressly Funeral home.

The funeral will be Saturday at 10:00 am at the Rock Island HS Fieldhouse, followed by a burial at Chippiannock Cemetery and a luncheon at the school.

He is at Peace

Conan passed away this morning. (I thought I had posted on the blog earlier, but I forgot to save it.)

Gretta was with him, laying beside him. It was very peaceful.

I will post information about funeral arrangements when I have them.

The Cat Came Back

Seems really off topic, but it's not. (And it's not a Dr. Seuss book)

The last week of October, when Conan's vertigo meant he needed more help than Gretta could give, Conan and Gretta, along with Henry and their dog Squeaker, came to Mom and Dad's house to stay.

Mom's cat does not like Squeaker and she often takes off when he is around. But this time, the cat had not been seen since November 1.

We found her tonight. She is very thin, but her coat is shiny and full. Gretta and Mom cried, and Henry said "I am so happy K.T. came back." And he repeated that throughout the evening.

Gretta had mixed feelings about coming home tonight,  but the nurse thinks we still have a little more time. It was good for her to have something nice happen.

Quiet Morning

Conan's breathing is more labored today and he is not as responsive as he was yesterday. We have told him he put up a good fight but he can rest now.

We want him to know he is loved and will be missed, but Gretta is strong and we will all be here to support and care for her and the kids in the coming years.

Information on Hospice

As our time with Conan comes to an end, here is a link from hospice that we found helpful.

As I type, Gretta is sitting next to him and he is sleeping comfortably. (Snoring a bit too!)

He talked to his dad a bit this morning and he responded to Gretta and his mom this morning, but has otherwise been pretty quiet today. I think he hears most of what we are saying, but it takes too much effort to respond.

We think it will be a matter of days before his body shuts down completely.

We are grateful for the facility here at Cook House. It has provided us with a peaceful and comfortable place to say our goodbyes.

Be Full of Thanks

In the midst of all the worry and sadness this fall, it is still important to take time to be thankful for what we have been given. In our lives we have been given much, but in Conan's fight, he has been given much too.

In these years, he has enjoyed fatherhood and his marriage to Gretta. He has sold a business and started a new job. He has touched the lives of countless children through his soccer and basketball activities.

If you have a special story about Conan and you would like to share it with Gretta, Henry and others, please leave it in a comment or send me an e-mail. I will add them to the blog for everyone to treasure.

These are the things to focus on now. Yes, we are losing him, but at least we had him.

I Think We Have Already Had Our Miracles

I was asked last week if I thought a miracle could save Conan. I gently answered no.

The more I thought on it however, I wondered if we haven't already had our miracle, or maybe more than one.

In 2008 a stage 2/3 tumor was growing and it was large. At one appointment I went to with him, I saw the scans; the oncologist in Moline had a long face and kept wringing her hands. And I didn't understand how he was able to walk or talk; the tumor was so large it had to be blocking brain function. Conan didn't carry a picture of that scan with him and I don't think there were many people that ever saw it. Gretta's sister Jennifer helped him get to Iowa City and the team there said we can do something with this. It was close to home, and offered hope where there had been little.

How many miracles did that year take? What if Conan had never met Gretta? She has a great job with good insurance benefits. She is a wonderful caregiver. The surgeon that operated in Rock Island had a steady hand. Gretta has a sister in Iowa City who was able to help them find a path. During Conan's month of radiation, terrible floods ravaged Iowa City and the surrounding area. Was it the hand of God that kept Conan and his drivers on the road and out of the floodwaters?

In 2010, Gretta and Conan were blessed with the birth of a son. Many of us considered Henry's life a miracle. Henry may have been the spark that helped Conan the next year.

In 2011, there was new growth on the dead marble that was left from three years before. This time, it was considered a stage 4 tumor. It took longer to recovery from surgery, but once again, the cancer was forced to retreat.

And again, a mere human being was digging around in Conan's brain. A doctor can take a piece of the skull out, poke around in the brain and yet not stop your heart or lungs. Was this the miracle? The tumors stayed away for three more years. Maybe this was one more.

In June of this year, Gretta found out she was pregnant. Surely this was a miracle.

In late July of this year we were not so fortunate. Stage 4 cancer is tough to beat -- when it comes back and in three places it is a fierce opponent. And at least one of those places was inoperable. His doctors contacted other cancer centers to see if anyone had something that might be helpful. And when the tumors continued to grow, and began to block the CSF drainage, Conan began to weaken. A possible drug trial was located, but it was only a Stage 1 trial -- a long shot at best; radiation was also proposed, but he was just too weak.

And yet maybe we did get a miracle this year too. Conan fell at their house in October. He could have fallen down the stairs and hit his head. Gretta could have tried to stop his fall injuring herself or the baby. He could have fallen and injured Henry.

There used to be a plaque hanging on the wall at Flannery's house (They are neighbors of Mom and Dad's and my godparents) that I always liked:

Footprints in the Sand.
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was only one.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

He has Battled Long and Hard

This is more than I have written other times for a number of reasons. Conan and Gretta are, for the most part, private people. There were many struggles in the past six years that they didn't talk about much and really didn't want to share. And so I tried (and am still trying) to respect that.

Visitors are still welcome -- small groups and for a short time. Sunday, Gretta was in the room when I arrived with Henry. Conan knew right away that Henry was there and reached for him. Henry is too young to understand much of what is going on, but that also means he is not afraid of it. Henry knows that Daddy will not be coming home. We are encouraging him to ask questions and we do not press any long answers on him. (Henry calls the Hospice House Daddy's office -- I suppose hospice and office do sound alike.)

Most people that met Conan didn't know he had such a serious health issue. One of the things he enjoyed most, his time coaching, continued. In the fall of 2008, he coached the HS boys soccer team in the midst of chemo. In 2011 he had surgery in July and was back on the soccer field in about a week. Even in October, less than a week after being told the chemo wasn't working, he traveled with the club soccer team.

But, each surgery has taken a toll on his brain. For the most part, only those with him frequently noticed, but there were little things that indicated brain damage had occurred. Each round of chemo (2 full ones in 2008 and 2011, as well as the partial ones this fall) has damaged his liver and kidneys. It affected his daily health to a degree he rarely shared; he did not want everyone to know just how great a toll this disease had taken.

Conan didn't want his life ruled by cancer and he fought hard to make sure it wasn't. He hid much of his battle from us, but he lived life, doing the things he enjoyed and spending time with the people he loved.

Another Day

Just a reminder to visitors: We do believe Conan can hear everything that is said while you are in the room.

Please tell happy stories in your time with him. I know you are sad, angry, and scared because he is failing, but he needs to hear the love in your voice. He needs to know you will continue to support Gretta and Henry.

This is a very difficult time for everyone involved, but Conan needs to hear that all is well for those he loves.

Visitors Still Welcome, and a word on Gretta

Conan is still aware when people are around, but is not very responsive. Two days ago, when Gretta walked into the room, he greeted her right away, but that isn't what usually happens.  We are still asking that you limit your visit to 10 minutes and 2 people.

Gretta is now 28 weeks pregnant. They found out she was pregnant about 5 weeks before the scan that revealed new tumor growth. Because of her pregnancy history, and her age, this is a high risk pregnancy. During her 22nd week of pregnancy, she was having sharp pains in her abdomen and so her doctor recommended modified bed rest: off her feet as much as possible and home from work.

Gretta has been the force behind Conan's treatments for years, that was a role he was never comfortable taking on. Luckily she is a pharmacist, because who else could keep all the meds straight! While she wasn't the one to drive him to all his appointments (she kept working when ever possible, which maintained insurance benefits, without which they would really be lost), she scheduled appointments and spent countless hours on the phone with doctors, nurses, billing offices, and the insurance company.

And, while it is a goal for Conan to be present for the baby's birth, a higher goal is for Gretta and the baby to be healthy. She can't assist with Conan's care much because she isn't supposed to lift more than 10 lbs., but she is still the one talking with doctors and nurses, and trying to get him to the best place he can be.

So if you see her, make sure she is in a recliner. Ask her if she took time to eat lunch. Get her to laugh.

Keeping him as Comfortable as Possible

Unfortunately, Conan is not eating much and because of this it has become apparent that further cancer treatments are not possible. He will still be offered food and encouraged, but per his wishes, food will not be forced on him.

One of the chaplains we spoke to a few weeks ago said we often try to protect the ones we love. She was actually speaking about Henry and what we could do to help him in the midst of all we are going through. But Gretta and I both thought about Conan and how he was trying to protect those he loved.

In August, just a week or two after the new tumors were discovered, Conan told a friend that this was probably the beginning of the end. He didn't discuss this with others, but he was trying to protect those he loved.

Since the EVT surgery, he seemed afraid to eat, as if he didn't want to vomit again. Gretta said at other times it seemed like he ate only to make her happy.

Now everyone will be doing what they can to keep him comfortable. Short visits with one or two people are still good, but he may or may not be very responsive.

About the Same

Conan is battling nausea once again. 


Friends and family can visit. Please limit your visit to 2 people at a time and 10 minutes. You don't need to wake him up; he's taking some medications to help him rest so he can be comfortable.